Y’ALL. What in the world is going on with everyone?? It has been way too long since I have been able to connect with you all, and I just can’t take it any more. I miss you, friends. Should I be working on lesson plans right now? You betcha. Are there piles of laundry to be dealt with? Absolutely. The list of “do all the things immediately” is eternal, but I just need a moment to say hi.
This has been a crazy year of LIFE for me and my monkeys, and I find myself still reeling to catch up and find some sense of normalcy for us all. God has sent the most amazing people into our little world, and for that, I am eternally grateful. It never ceases to amaze me when He reaches down to follow through with the promises that we often find ourselves doubting. He is so good.
In a moment of total honesty, I need you to know that this whole LIFE thing can be totally overwhelming right now. While I am dying to connect here and share my moments of crazy with the world, there have not been enough hours in the day to include all of the things that I love. I find myself wearing a million hats and carrying way too many labels these days, and I wonder when it will all calm down to a manageable level. First of all, this Single Mom thing is for the birds. It’s not supposed to be like this, and I am not a fan. Secondly, no one person should be doing the Single Mom thing while also attempting to juggle the Three Jobs thing. Can it be done? Sure. And when that is what has to be done, you suck it up and do it. Right?! Right. So I will continue to wear the hats and raise the kids and do ALL THE THINGS. And I will smile while I do it because God is good, life is carrying on, true friends are an amazing blessing, and I just really want people to see Jesus shining right out of my face.
Every day is different. Some days are much more manageable – they might even seem “normal” or easy. Others leave me wishing I could start the day over or add about 10 more hours so that the eternal list could actually have a dent in it before my head hits the pillow again. I am not sad, angry, or intensely grieving right now – I did that (to the highest degree), and I have graciously been walked through it to the other side. I am in a good place right now, and my current prayer is that I can find a good way to manage all the things that must fit into each day. And when the things don’t all quite fit, I hope I can grant myself the grace needed to move them to the next day or discover that they didn’t need to be there in the first place.
You might be glad to know that I do take a moment to come up for air every once in a while. Here is a recent moment I had with family at a craft fair… with my bucket of sweet tea. 🙂
So what about you, blog friends? Are you in a season of peace right now, or do you find yourself treading water each day?? If, by some chance, I am not the only one out there attempting to keep my head above water, I would love to hear from the rest of you who can relate. Say hello, vent about your own personal craziness, or share a bit of scripture that encourages you through the rougher times. I know that this is a season that will pass, and I am encouraged by the glimpses of normalcy and peace that are starting to appear here and there.
“Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103:1-5
Because sometimes the day hurts too much.
Because sorrow can make you feel like you’re drowning.
Because sometimes the people you want to talk to aren’t there for you anymore.
Because relying on your own strength will never be sufficient.
Because there is no way you can do it all alone.
Because anything and everything you could possibly need is found in HIM.
DISCLAIMER: Newly pregnant mommies might not want to read this mess as there is a chance it could bring on all manner of anxiety in your crazy emotional/hormonal world. I warn you because I love you. For everyone else…
There has been a running theme in recent posts and conversations that managed to bring up old emotions in my world. Feelings that ate at my soul for a long time, but I’ve somehow managed to continue living each day without drowning in them. So let’s stick them all back out into the interwebs for the whole world, right?? Right.
Miscarriage. What an ugly, awful, horribly misunderstood word. It just makes my heart hurt looking at it. So many women deal with this unbearable grief at some point in their life, but it isn’t one of those things that is discussed openly or often. WHY?? I mean, it hurts, y’all. SO. BAD. Physically, your body is screaming at you because it was working hard to grow a new person one minute, and then suddenly it’s violently rejecting that same little person because he/she is no longer alive. And there’s nothing you can do but go through the process. And all of this only exacerbates the emotions of it all. No single person should ever have to endure the number and intense level of emotions that accompany losing a baby. It’s just not right. It’s not enough that there is now a physical hole in your womb – the hole that is left in your heart aches as if your chest is going to explode. Maybe it’s just because I’m a hot mess, but there was so much anger and sadness and confusion and doubt and guilt and for the love can somebody just make it stop?!?! I’ve done this insanity twice now, and both times were equally unbearable.
Men, we love you. Please hear this with all the love and grace I can offer: There is no way on God’s green earth you can feel all the feels that a woman has when she loses a baby. You can try, and we love you for that. You can be sad and disappointed – and that’s so helpful. We need that from you. Sit there and let your shirt get soaking wet as she sobs and snots on you for the umpteenth time. But please, pretty please, understand that your body is not losing part of itself when this tragedy occurs. Do not expect the grieving mommy to get over it within a certain period of time, and try to be ever-so-patient when she breaks down sobbing for what appears to be no good reason at all. She will. And it’s ok.
Do we shy away from talking with each other about this because it’s hard? Is it just one of those, “I don’t know what to say to a grieving person” things? Because I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be one of those, “Rally the troops and rain down the LOVE, people!!” things. We don’t have to fix each other. Do NOT try to fix this for someone. You can’t. We do, however, have to be there for each other. People need to know that they do not have to sit in a hole by themselves and cry in the dark because it might make others uncomfortable. You need to ugly cry, honey? Bring that mess right on over here. I might just join you, if that’s ok. Jesus Christ saw his friends grieving over their lost brother, and HE WEPT (John 11). They opened up their grieving hearts to Him, His heart hurt for them, and He cried right along with them. Who are we to be more stoic than the Son of God??
Open your arms, open your hearts, and grab the tissues. We cannot fix everything for everyone, but God can heal ALL things in time. Be willing to be His instrument of peace. The holes don’t disappear, but the pain of the wounds can be eased over time. There are hurting hearts that need soothed, and it’s your turn to step up to the plate.